Stay Home this New Years

New Year’s Eve party plans never live up to expectations. Every year we remember this, yet every year we come back for more. But why? Is it because of FOMO? Because we can’t bear the idea of being at home, scrolling through our Instagram feed and seeing everyone else having the time of their lives? In reality, noone takes filtered photos of the actual truths about this overrated, overcrowded and overly expensive night.

Like the queue to the grubby toilets, the overpriced drinks that took you one hour to buy and five minutes to spill, or the fireworks that you couldn’t really see.

Still not convinced to stay home on December 31? Here’s the step-by-step progression of how the night is likely to pan out. If we save just one person from being filled with utter regret come January 1, then we will have done our job.

1. Everyone (including you) has zero clue on solid plans.

2. And trying to come up with one is like pulling teeth.

3. You’ll end up committing to something last minute that you don’t really want to do.

4. And that usually involves spending a lot of money, whether you have any or not.

5. Once you’re there, you’re stuck with large crowds of other disappointed partygoers.

6. Where the queues for the toilet and bar are longer than Disneyland’s.

7. Then you end up losing everyone you arrived with.

8. And spend the rest of the night looking for your friends.

9. Not to mention the pressure to find a midnight kiss.

10. No fireworks will ever match Gandalf’s.

11. In fact, you’ll be lucky to see them at all through the crowds.

12. Then the reality of the mission to get home will start to creep in.

13. By the time you find a cab/struggle through the traffic/deal with the drunken public transport users the new year will be half over.

14. You’ll stop for food and break your new year diet resolution on day dot.

15. Your phone will be filled with regrettable drunk texts you sent when you were overwhelmed by the crowds and all alone.

16. You’ll begin to wonder why you even bothered to go out.

17. Because at home there’s free wine refills.

18. Because watching a movie on your sofa NEVER EVER disappoints.

19. Because you’d rather feel like a human being in the morning and not a zombie.

20. Because wearing pyjamas is better than any New Year’s outfit.

21. Because, let’s be honest, you’ll be tired by 9pm.

Happy New Year and Be Safe!