Did We just Break Up?

Breaking up is so hard too do and it needs to be done properly to help both parties move on in their love life.  What’s even harder? Breaking up with someone you aren’t even really dating, technically.  As a single I’ve discovered the weird, disjointed hangout/casual/hookup/whatever type of dating environment and it’s increasingly common to find yourself in some kind of non-relationship, whether it’s a friends with benefits situation or a “just hooking up and we don’t want to talk about what’s really happening” kind of deal. If you’re both on page with this, that’s great, you’ve had a conversation about where you both stand.

If not, well, it can get a little awkward. Particularly if you want to end things–after all, breaking up is, by most people’s definition, the act of ending a relationship. Which makes it a little harder to break up with someone if you aren’t even officially dating.

You could always ghost–which is the act of basically just disappearing from someone’s life by ignoring them instead of actually breaking up with them.  It’s immature, lazy, and very disrespectful.  Plus, in my own personal experience, I’ve often found that ghosting makes the breakup process longer. This is because there’s no real closure, and as a result, the person who gets ghosted is left wondering what they did wrong for much longer than they would be if they’d just been broken up with straight-up.

If your were feeling pretty keen about ghosting away from the non-relationship, texting is a better option than nothing at all. I’m a true supporter of executing a breakup via text message–under the right circumstances, of course. If it’s a very, very casual thing, a simple text is really all that you need too do. It’s a great way to avoid having an awkward discussion face to face while letting the other person know that you don’t want to not-date them anymore.

Remember not to make a breakup personal. This is true for any breakup, but especially so for an early stages of dating situation. Chances are, you have realized you and this person are not really a great fit.  This person hasn’t cheated on you, hasn’t done anything particularly wrong, your not as into them as you once were before.  Let them know that you liked hanging out with them, and it’s not really working out for you anymore so you think it’s best to move on. Be sensitive to them, it’s very possible that this person might have thought what you had together was much more serious than it was for you. So, just be tactful with them, don’t say things like, “We weren’t even really dating,” or “I don’t know why you’re so upset.” Being broken up with sucks, no matter the circumstances.

Always make it final. It is tempting to break up with someone in a way that gives them a small amount of hope, by saying that you’re too caught up in your job, or you’re not really over your ex yet. Don’t provide excuses –it’ll just make them think that you’ll be coming back to them when those things have been resolved.  The relationship might not have been clearly defined, but the breakup definitely needs to be.
Happy Dating!
Mars xoxo