The last few weeks I have logged into many dating apps. I’ve used many of these on and off in the past, then quickly deleted them after unsuccessful weeks of chatting with their members. My energy and passion is better spent in crafting a story than finding a partner.
I’ll admit, at first, I loved dating apps. In fact, I was even addicted. The prospect of having an unlimited number of singles in your area at your fingertips, the potential of a simple swipe to the right putting me in touch with someone I wouldn’t have met otherwise… well, it made me love technology more.
Though members are not worth the time consumed by these dating apps. Every day the heated desire for a deep and intimate relationship dwindles. Part of me feels like it’s karma biting me in the ass for my superficial youth, never really fully committing to anyone in a ‘happy ever after’ way.
Little did I know when I was actually ready to trust and feel vulnerable in a relationship that the pickins would be so slim. So bleak. So sly. So unimpressive. But through the time I’ve spent swiping, I have became disenchanted by dating apps for a multitude of reasons. What really turned me off dating apps, (yes, I totally see the pun there) was the fact that it always led to a dead-end.
This is the new current culture of dating. It’s Online, via apps, with several to choose from. Once were the day of just choosing the only dating site RSVP and meeting several amazing members who were an untouched resource because of the uncertainty behind online dating. Those were the days I met some of the greatest loves in my life.
If you’re single like me using these apps, your about to be hit up for ‘hang outs’ at people’s homes for a first meeting (as nothing is called a date any more), organising to meet for a drink and they never turn up. Even worst never hear back from them when texting to confirm you’ll still be meeting up today. Don’t forget the endless harassment for more photos of yourself, as the 5 on your profile are never enough.
My experience in my 30-somethings, which isn’t any thing I experience in my 20’s, is dating feels more like a game than anything else. I’m lost in a maze of dating apps trying to pick a path not as horrible as the last one I choose to talk too.
I like most people juggle two or three dating apps at a time, with matches on any given one are not really an indication of anything more than a physical attraction usually based on terrible selfies and badly lit photos. (The photo’s, don’t get me started on the endless sunglasses (we can’t see your face), surfing shots (nice bod, but we still can’t see your face), or motorcycles (still not including a picture of your face or even you.)
It’s hardly about creating a special connection anymore, it is a way for many people to get an ego boost, or perhaps a hook-up, some lasting months and months with no actual relationship in sight. As you might guess, is extremely time-consuming, and disconcerting to members.
I’ve never been one for competitions, or for the instant gratification that’s perpetuating these dating apps. I give myself 100%, sometimes more, to pretty much everything I do. So to spend my days offering up 20-25% of myself to a bunch of random strangers just doesn’t sit right with me.
There’s no time for romantic feelings anymore, no opportunities for little flubs or bad hair days, the imperfections that make a long-lasting relationship special (or so I’ve heard and seen from friends). There are other new matches daily awaiting you, perhaps better than what you might have right now, most not even getting a chance to do anything but say ‘hi’.
Most disturbing for me, however, is that the back burner is always lit, burning ever so lightly. The door is left open, even if it’s just a crack, no one ever really committing to anything completely, not even a coffee catch up. Apps might be deleted off their phone or tablet, but their accounts can still be active, with a simple click or desktop login to check and see who’s interested in them.
I don’t expect exclusivity from anyone on the first, fourth, or heck, even the 10th date. But there’s something disheartening about being with someone for a few months and still seeing dating app alerts popping up on their phone after all the time you’ve spent together. Sometimes the significant time you’ve spent together, doesn’t really seem to mean anything at all for them. It’s like the new car smell wears off at some point very quickly and people don’t give themselves a chance to enjoy the idea of keeping the new car and discovering how amazing it could be.
I’ve decided I’m too special to be treated like that. We all are. It’s just some of us figure it out more quickly than others. I’ve had a long, tumultuous relationship with the online dating apps and now I think it’s time I take my chances. The dating world may literally be in the palm of my hands, courtesy of dating apps, but I’d much rather wait it out for someone ready to mean something to me.
P.s. Do you have a friend you can Match me up with?