Being a young woman on the cusp of life, I’m often faced with many decisions regarding the direction I want my life to take. A successful career and financial stability has always been an ultimate goal for me as an independent woman, but as I travel through the steps to reaching my goals, I am continuously confronted with the question of how love is going to fit into that equation. When setting my 2013 Goals for the year I was fully aware that Goal number 4. Fall in love would be a wee bit tricky.
Growing up, I had a mother who worked a full-time job to help support the my brother and I after her divorce. She would continuously reinforced my personal career and financial goals I had, and wasn’t fond of me putting these goals above the conception of falling in love. As I’ve grown and matured, I have became self-aware of how I have been placing my goals above all else. I became aware of the effects of love on young women. All around me I was seeing young women my age falling in love and forgetting themselves in the presence of the possibility of attaining the ‘happily ever after’.
The allure of love seemed to have rendered them subjective to its whims and fancies. Often I saw friends giving up their employment to move across the country in order to be with their significant other. Seeing women give up who they are and what they want for someone else brought immense fear to the idea of finding myself one day in the presence of love.
I had found myself avoiding the constraints and commitments of serious relationships in order to secure my own freedom of identity. Would I become another fatality of love? Would I forget everything I had worked so hard for and begin placing myself, and my needs, behind the needs and goals of another just so I could be loved? Seeing these fears manifest through the relationships I formed in my life, I began to wonder if a woman could truly have it all. As women, must we choose between career and love – or will we always become causalities of love? Have we truly come so far as to believe we are an independent gender? Aren’t the affections and desires of men an ever-present reality lying at the base of our many motivations? Can women exist without needing the love of men to feel validation for the existence of their lives? Being in my late twenties, these are all questions I am struggling to answer, and I think all young women should become aware of.
From a young age, women are lead to believe that beauty, in the eyes of men, should be valued above personal intelligence. My fear of love may be an unhealthy reaction to the world around me, but maybe women should begin to fear or question love, instead of searchingly for it.
I have a successful career. I am financially stable. I have independence — and I know it takes courage to declare a goal so bold and powerful as Finding Love as a women. It might be helpful to ponder the idea that it isn’t our goals that make us who we are but rather, who we really are.
Now I am ‘in a relationship‘ I can see why love might seem threatening, (it is indeed “dangerous,” if only to the extent that it is an “unknown” and something beyond our complete control) and perhaps I should trust myself enough that I will be able to avoid the dangers of forgetting about “me” in hopes of becoming a “we.”
I can say this about myself: I pride myself on being able to take care of myself and making it work no matter what, but I also know that I feel spiritually and bodily undernourished without love. Of course love can come in various forms, not just romantic, but I have a pretty good feeling that true love, maybe worth just loosing myself from time to time to be a ‘we’ instead of ‘me’. But, not to worry, I’m sticking to my path, and keep my eyes open for love that helps me move towards my goals and not away from them.