First off, I want to start by saying that I don’t want to say that, no, I’m not placing the entire blame on any one friend. Obviously, what someone chooses to do with a piece of advice is his or her own responsibility.
Still, when we turn to a friend, a person we trust and respect, we tend to listen to them, or at least it impacts us. And sometimes, we let that piece of advice influence our decisions – but maybe the advice may hurt more than it helps?
Obviously a friend will never understand a relationship fully. They aren’t the one in it. They aren’t with you in your most intimate moments or the worst moments or the most fun moments. So it’s common sense to take their advice with a grain of salt.
We see it in the movies and TV shows all the time: our protagonist has a Romantic Interest. Wanting to impress the Romantic Interest, the protagonist turns to friends for help. They tell our protagonist to do this or say that and it all falls flat when our protagonist actually tries to woo the Romantic Interest. In the end, the protagonist stops listening to friends and ends up happily ever after!
My story did not end up with a happy ever after:-
There was a guy I was seeing and we were having a lot of fun. It was casual, no labels, and I was leaving Brisbane for an overseas holiday. I started developing feelings for him and didn’t know how he felt back or what was going to happen with everything, and I was starting to get nervous because someone earlier in the year had hurt me rather badly while we were in a similar boat.
One of my close friends came to visit me before I left for my overseas adventure and I explained my situation. They really pushed me to ask him about what was going to happen and to define it and told me that if he didn’t feel the same way, I should probably not see him again. They told me that they wanted to see me with a good guy who would treat me right and that if he didn’t want anything more, then I should not continue hanging out with him.
I ended up following their advice and attempted to ask him one night before heading out together for drinks with my friends, I was half way through my sentence when his finger pushed against my lips with a ssshhh, gentle smile with those eyes, saying things will be fine and he leaned in to kiss me rather passionately, I melted into his lips. I still didn’t really know if he was ever on the same page as me, as I never got to ask my full question. I took it as though things could never be more than casual with me, and I kind of understood, why would someone get into a relationship with another when one person is about to jet set off overseas the following week.
A month later I returned, contacting him to announce my arrive back home. We made plans to catch up a few days later. But, on the day we were meant to see each other he told me he had met someone else and it was serious. After a bit of shock and a few tears, I said I didn’t want to see him anymore and he took it well. I ended up really unhappy and wanted things to be okay, to see him again, but I didn’t want anything to do with him and I thought it would be awkward to see him and be just friends.
I always wished I hadn’t listen to my friend, and I do believe they gave me bad advice that I shouldn’t have followed. Again, I don’t blame them solely – I take responsibility for what happened too – but I sometimes wish they hadn’t given me their advice or I hadn’t talked to them about it at all, why did they bring the topic up to begin with? Their other advice was to take some time off from dating after 6 months of some horrible dating experiences. I really do believe that their advice hurt that one potential relationship I may have had.
It’s around 6 months later, I realised I can now let bygones be bygones with a few of the people from my past. Contacting a few people with the above guy included. I don’t really share much about my dating life with friends these days unless it’s a hilarious dating story, posting here more about my dating experiences. The, one day at coffee with the same friend from above, I was ordering coffee for us at the register they saw his name appear on my phone’s screen on the table. Returning with their change and a table number, I encountered a rather displeased look, as though they’d smelt a turd.
My phone vibrated on the table, I read the message, giggled cheekily at the content and locked the screen again. Looking up at them…. then the questions started coming from my friend, “Who was that from? Why are they contacting you? Are you back with him?”. I just stared back at them never confirmed or denied any of the questions, they didn’t need to know what was mostly my private business. Then the worrying started “You’re a fool! You’ll get hurt again! He’s dangerous!”. Dangerous struck a hard blow, having had a dangerous experience with a guy late last year.
Retaliating, ‘He’s only a little bit dangerous. Like teasing a candle’s flame with your finger. He would never physically hurt me, and if I’m hurt emotionally …. I’m a tough enough little cookie, another hit’s not going to make me crumble. I like talking to him, it makes me feel happy.” I enjoy our banter, cheekiness, taking about our days. Of cause I’m attracted, and I think his a great guy. But Isn’t that the most important part of life about doing all the things that make us happy…. even if it’s a little bit dangerous.