These Days


These Days

I hate crying in front of others.  I much rather go sit and cry where no one can see or hear me.  On the couch with mum talking to her about how I’ve only had this job for 18 months, and that every 18 months, something sad/life changing/painful happens tome.  Breaking down into tears, I wasn’t going to let mum see me cry again this week, I left for my bedroom to cry into my pillow and tell Dipper how upsetting this situation is, will I ever catch a break?

I’ve had this theory for roughly 10 years now – Every 18 months ‘Something Bad’ Happens – it’s not a old wise man’s tale, it’s my real life experiences:

  • 2001 – Continues family arguments, and being hit by one of my mothers partners at the time, left me running away from home for 2 years.
  • 2003 – Resigning from my employment due to work colleague doing drugs in the main office, broke up with my boyfriend due to distance issues between us. Dropped out of University.
  • 2005 – Boyfriend at the time threaten to kill himself when I broke up with him (police involved, need I say more).
  • 2007 – Diagnosed with Ross River Virus, bed ridden for 3 months and unable to work, leading to massive personal debts and painful illness.
  • 2009 – Panic attacks due to debt, relationship issues, and employment troubles.
  • 2011 – Boyfriend broke up with me, then getting back together, found myself with conflicting personal issues about it, spent a month worrying about making the wrong choice.  I obtained the job I am currently employed in.
  • 2012 – Possible lose of employment due to Job cuts within department (recent blog).

I reflected on my past ten years of every 18 months, some don’t seem so bad these days, others still sadden me.  Listening to “These days” by Powderfinger on repeat, mouthing the lyrics, tears rolling down my face, arms wrapped around Dipper.  I realize anytime I’ve had a life plan, goals, dreams, things are going really well, the 18 months approach, and nothing goes as I had planned.

“These days turned out like nothing I had planned”, but without those days I wouldn’t be in the position I am now having strength to deal with the situation.  I will be moving forward with my life and career down another path.

“These Days” – Powderfinger

It’s coming round again
The slowly creeping hand
Of time and its command
Soon enough it comes
and settles in its place
Its shadow in my face
Puts pressure in my day

This life well it’s slipping right through my hands
These days turned out nothing like I had planned

It’s coming round again
The slowly creeping hand
Of time and its demands
It settles in its place
Its shadow in my face
Undignified and lame

This life well it’s slipping right through my hands
These days turned out nothing like I had planned
Control well it’s slipping right through my hands
These days turned out nothing like I had planned

Soon enough it comes
Soon enough it comes
To tie us down