It’s been an amazing year for me in some regards, and in others a terrible one because I broke all my rules and gave second chances. I’m the type of person who lays down rules that I live by, some for example:
- I wont be friends with ex-partners, or anyone I’ve been intiment with in the past.
- I don’t give partners second chances after breaking up.
- I wont become intiment with someone until after 5 dates.
This year, these three rules have all been broken, on many occasions. I’ve been friends with my ex until recently, I’ve given one person I’ve dated this year a second chance, and I’ve been intiment with men before I really wanted too.
I’ve spent much of this year on the dating scene, and having felt a bit “unsure” about what I really want from a relationship I’ve been a bit more loose with the rules and doing 1 or 3 dates before becoming intiment with men. Then afterwards I would feel a low because of my choice to go there too soon, and wish I’d gotten to know the person better over a few more dates.
The past is something from which we will always learn from, and I’ve learnt I had a 5 date rule for a reason.
Regarding speaking with my ex, when we met he knew I did not speak to ex-boyfriends after breaking up. I know why I kept in touch with him after we broke up, I worried and cared a lot still as our relationship just ended the day he left for the UK. It never actually ended because we didn’t like each other, or because someone had done something awful to the other person. Sure it was awful my heart was broken when he left, but at the time speaking with him felt right. As the months went on, I began to regret the decision to keep in touch, I felt like I wasn’t moving on with my life, but I didn’t know how to go about saying, “Don’t talk to me anymore” without hurting his feelings.
Then while in China I had a big talk with one of the guys in the tour group that I formed a close bond with about the situation, our conclusion was to ask the big question I needed to know the answer too, take the answer whether it was good or bad, and make my next decision. The answer was bad, and therefore I asked for us not to speak anymore, because deep down I know I deserve a knight in shinning armour whisking me away on adventures, not an imaginary idea of what might be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me.
And then the Second Chances… why hadn’t I learnt this lesson in 2011 when I gave my ex a second chance after breaking up with me the first time for some reason I still don’t really understand. Early this year, I was dating someone for a few months with one or two dates a week, it was going all right I thought then… silence…. no contact. I sent a text after a few days asking if he was still up for the date he asked me to keep the Sunday free for, no reply. Months later, he contacts me again, which prompted the Second Chance post earlier this year. For some crazy reason I was excited to see this guy again, and let him back into my life. The second round of dating only lasted 3 dates, of which I felt really uncomfortable being around him. My gut instinct was telling me I had made the wrong decision. When he text me cancelling the 4th date we had planned, I never replied, deleting it and his contact details. I never heard from him again, and I’m grateful I didn’t. Something wasn’t right about him.
Now that I’ve realised the mistakes of breaking my personal rules and giving second chances to relationships. I’ve always had these rules in my life since I was 20 years old for one good reason, they work. They work in a way of giving me boundaries from previous mistakes, and therefore I’m unlikely to make these mistakes again, as an outgoing person I require boundaries. Now that I’ve had a year of acting like a teenager again with my love life, I’m putting these rules back in place for what will hopefully be a lifetime of good behaviour.