Sitting at my desk at work one day, eating lunch, scrolling through my Facebook News feed, a private message notification appeared, I thought it was an email posse member replying to me, clicked on the envelope to access the inbox. Oh….umm…. it’s from someone I dated for about a month earlier in the year. Sitting at my desk, index finger tapping my bottom lip, thinking to myself, ‘what on earth do they want?’. Intrigued, I opened the private message.
An apology for their actions months earlier and asked how I was doing. How strange, not to long ago I had been driving to Chermside Shopping Centre, stopped at a red light outside their business, gazing around waiting, tapping the driving wheel to music playing on the radio, I noticed there ute in the car park, and wondered, “what could of been? I had liked them.” The light changed to green, I continued to Chermside, thought nothing more of it.
I wrote back accepting the apology, politely said I had been well and asked how they were doing also, keeping it short. We messaged back and forth about our recent running events and injuries. They asked me out to coffee. Having had the feeling conversation was leading in the direction of a proposed outing together. My heart sunk into my chest, the feeling of sadness I get when I think of past mistakes, “I had given my ex-boyfriend a second chance, look at what it gave me… a broken heart“.
But, can every person be held responsible for anther’s mistakes? Sometimes it’s a yes, sometimes no. In my experiences, second chances haven’t ever worked out for me, and I posed the risk of it happening again.
So, I thought about the reasons, the same reasons I turned to last time to helped me come to a decision about…. giving someone a second chance.
- Did they give me sparkles. There is a vast difference between an explosive relationship and one where there is no spark at all.
- Am I attracted. It is also true that being attracted to someone does not mean you are suited to be together for any length of time. Many times we are attracted to people with whom we haven’t a chance in hell of having a relationship with.
- How much did I like them. Thinking with your head or your heart is a teenage drama. The truth is you should not be with someone unless you like them a lot.
- Was time spent together enjoyable. Some relationships have spark and excitement and volatility but not much else. That volatility can stop the relationship from working but conversely it’s what keeps you coming back for more. It always feels exciting. It always feels new and vibrant. A desire to be with them.
- How are things different now. What have truly changed? Because if things are not different, how can a relationship be successful.
- Is this a booty call. A rebound. A comfortable wedge relationship. Many Former relationships are re-entered as safety nets when a subsequent love relationship fails or loneliness, your company now welcomed.
- Can you forgive them. It is not a case of forgive and forget. You will always remember the wrongs, can you be with this person and not hold it against them. Forever.
- Do I think they are worth giving a second chance. If you really think you have a good shot with them give it a try. If it works it works. If it doesn’t then you need to put it behind you forever and move on.
I have given second chances, even thirds. People make mistakes, everybody makes mistakes. I don’t want to be judged by some of the mistakes that I have made in my past. You either learn from them or you don’t.
Sometimes second chances work out better then than the first. Simply because you’ve learned from your mistakes.