Before reading this Post: What prompted this topic was that two separate men I’ve dated recently found me intimidating, stating the reasons “I’ve got my life sorted” and “Triathlons”.
I was having a text discussing with a male friend last night about how I can’t seem to get past a 3rd date with men over the last few months. I’ve never been the type of girl who chases men, (I’m pretty sure my ex told me once he wasn’t sure I was interested in him because of my lack of displayed interest when we first started dating). So when these 3rd date guys don’t contact me, I tend to just shrug it off and get on with my life. Why? Because relationships shouldn’t be hard from the start, they should be fun, flirty and sexy, always have your next date lined up because you know you WANT to see this person again. That’s how all my more successful relationships have worked out.
I went on to discuss how deep down I want my next partner to be my best-friend/companion/lover, someone I spend all the special moments in life with. How I read online profiles and men state they don’t want any dramas queens, no emotional baggage, healthy, fit and independent girls. At the end of the day I am finding men pick the ‘damsel in distress‘, with the baggage, drama queens, unhealthy girls, over a confident girl like myself who has the whole world ahead of her.
Men like to be the rescuer, the white knight, and like to feel needed, I use to play along with these silly games before just to let them feel needed. Honestly it is exhausting having to wait until they put the Xbox controller down to save the day, I could have called Prince Charming to do the job faster. Then just doing things for myself became easier and quicker, a lot less foot tapping waiting patiently, arms crossed thinking to myself, ‘This is a moment to shine that I’m giving to you on a platter’.
Over the past two years, I’ve learnt to save and manage my money, set achievable long and short-term goals, travel overseas, triathlon, and I am an attractive and sexy lady, my personal portfolio looks spectacular on paper. In person, the initial date, I believe I’m intimidating men by talking and sharing my accomplishments, I’m not giving any man an opportunity to come save me with a James Bond action moment. (I’m thinking about how sexy Daniel Craig is right now in those swimming shorts, *licks lips*)
Oops… What were we talking about?
What should I do to not intimidate men so much? I googled, the results (and my opinion of them):
- Go home after work and change into something feminine. Then go on your date. Don’t wear your work clothes. – Check, I would never wear work cloths on a date, I want to look girly and sexy.
- Dress like a girl, wear light makeup, soft colors, a skirt or a dress and heels. – Check, I always wear make-up (even to a triathlon), a dress is a must.
- Let the man pick the restaurant (even if it’s not your favourite). – Learning… not a problem, I’m always happy to experience to new places.
- Don’t be argumentative when you disagree with something he says, agree to disagree and be a good listener. – A Russell Crowe date disagreement comes to mind.
- Don’t talk about work on your date. – Learning…. So what do I talk about? My dog? I feel talking about triathlon, holiday experience’s etc are not increasing my chances.
- Let him lead (order for you, open doors, hail the cab, etc) – Learning… Seems so formal, like a black tie event. I do like when a man orders for me.
- Let your guard down. Be warm, genuine – be yourself. – Check, I wouldn’t want to be anyone else.
- Smile – Check! 🙂
- Be appreciative. Thank him for choosing such an excellent restaurant and for planning a wonderful evening. Let him know he did a good job and that you had a really nice time. – Learning… it sounds like teaching a dog to sit successfully, and then reinforcing it.
- Don’t send a thank you email, text or call him after the date. Let him pursue you. If he’s interested, you’ll hear from him – and soon. – Check. I don’t chase men.
OR I could just be myself! Though, my friend last night said in one of his texts, “You’re thinking the right way… your smart… good things come to those who wait…”.