“I’ll have sex with you, but WHOA…ask me to be exclusive??? How DARE you!!!”
Those may not be the exact words, the idea is well known. Sex without any discussion of exclusivity, or sex without much thought at all. Even I’ve had sex before discussing exclusivity, I believe in having a sexual chemistry with your partner.
This story comes about as I was speaking with a girlfriend today about this topic and how the guy she’s dating requested to “take it slow”, and he seemed even offended that that she would even ask about being exclusive with him. His responses was, “I take relationships seriously and don’t want to jump in so quickly with someone I feel I don’t know that well yet.”
He may be timid (I don’t know the guy) and thinking the idea of a relationship is “too much” to commit to, but he will, almost without a flinch or 2nd thought, have sex with my girlfriend…. and he did, last night.
Since when is the topic of exclusivity to taboo to ask about but sex is not?
Too many women are to afraid to speak up about exclusivity, that they just go along with it. Sadly, many women would have responded with “That’s fine” and slept with him anyway, knowing that it it’s not fine at all.
Girls, stop being afraid to voice what you want. Why does the man your dating get to dictate how your relationship is going to go? Your both in this together, it’s a joint decision. Are you afraid of looking like that needy ball and chain type girl? If that’s not who you are, why are you so worried about it?
What happens if I say something and he decides to not stick around?
If he leaves after you tell him you would like to be exclusive with him, it’s his problem, not yours. Trust me, there are many men out there and you will find one that will respect you and care enough about you to value what you want. Great sex on tap may seem like a reason to stick around and not approach the topic with him, but it’s not a reason at all. Use the device in your top bedside draw and just ask the man in your life he would like to be exclusive with you.
What if I don’t know what I want yet?
I’ve fallen into this trap many a time before, take this as a fair warning… sex will simply complicate things. You will want a relationship after you start sleeping with him, your vagina decides this for you if it enjoyed the sex (a kind of sexual-emotional connection sent to the brain). If you’re not ready to be exclusive with him, don’t sleep with him. You need and will find someone that is in the same place as you and wants an exclusive relationship.
Their was a time where there was no hanging out or “hooking up.” Men asked women on real dates, and had serious intentions in doing so. When a particular gal caught a man’s heart, he proposed, and they got hitched. And they were married for the next 60 years.
I’m unsure of what happened to the men of this generation, thankfully it’s not all men. Men aren’t asking women out on real dates, they just want to hang out and sleep with you. If he doesn’t want to be exclusive, his just not that into you.
I am not a believer in saving it for marriage but I am a believer in valuing yourself enough to be a woman. Yes, it all comes down to the fear of him walking away. Let him go, you are worth more than that, it’s time you start believing it.
P.s. Stop listening to your vagina.