As the weather gets colder and my will to leave the house – already weak – fades completely, I thank God/Buddha/Batman that I own Ugg Boots.
Until I began walking my daily chilly commute to work this morning, with the freezing temperatures, I suddenly realised I had forgotten to swap my Ugg Boots for Work shoes, and had to return home. I wish I could wear Ugg boots at work without fear of judgement or ridicule.
I love my Ugg boots. They are like fleecy cuddles for my feet. They are the first things I put on in the morning and the last things I take off at night. Well, almost the last things – in winter I also wear pajamas. The problem is that sometimes I don’t take them off in between. More often than not I leave the Uggs at home wary of the social and sartorial condemnation I face if I leave them on. But sometimes, sometimes I succumb to the warm and the cosy and wear them to my local café and shops as if it were my living room.
But really, is the act of wearing one’s comfy home footwear outside of the house really all that bad? Are we so stuffy a society as to dictate the wearing of “proper” footwear just to go up shop and buy some milk? We seem to have (misguidedly) embraced rubber thongs as almost a national symbol, and yet their winter counterpart must still remain hidden behind closed doors. I have been thinking a lot about this lately (clearly I am both deep and very interesting) and have decided there are indeed occasions when Ugg boots should be considered appropriate. I have thus come up with the following instructional guide to Ugg boot wearing because that’s obviously what the world needs right now. You’re welcome, universe:
DO wear them at home.
DON’T wear them at any nightclub. I can’t believe I even have to tell you this.
DO wear them to the shops, morning markets, provided said shops/markets are within one kilometre of your house.
DON’T wear them shopping.
DO wear them to your local café to pick up your takeaway hot beverage of choice.
DON’T wear them to your local café if you plan to drink your hot beverage of choice there. It is not your living room, no matter how much time you spend there taking up a whole table to write your column/update Twitter.
DO wear them to your friend’s house to watch DVDs.
DON’T wear them to your friend’s house for a dinner party. Were you raised in a barn/Ugg boot factory?
DO wear them when friends come to your house to watch DVDs.
DON’T wear them if you ever want to have sex with any of those friends. I learned this the hard way, and will forever blame the Ugg boots and not the fact I made him watch “500 days without Summer”.
DO take them on a winter country cottage getaway if the plan involves mostly eating, drinking and playing boardgames by the fire.
DON’T take them overseas.
DO wear them to yoga during winter, especially if yoga is in the morning. Hell, wear a snuggie to yoga in winter if you want.
DON’T forget them at yoga. Hippies can be thieving assholes too.
DO in fact wear them to any exercise activity, so long as you are going straight to and from said activity with no stops between there and home.
DON’T wear them during any exercise activity. A girl I used to take dance classes with used to wear them throughout the actual dance classes and I was horrified. HORRIFIED.
DO wear them if you’re Pamela Anderson.
DON’T be Pamela Anderson. Just don’t be Pamela Anderson.
If ever in doubt, just ask yourself the question that gets me through most wardrobe dilemmas and tricky life situations: “What would Coco Chanel do?”.