“I can’t go on like this. I’ve tried counting sheep, but there’s always one I miss….”
Above is a great Eels song that I reflect upon after endless nights of no sleep. The music has a baby chime sound to it that actually makes me feel sleepy. I’ve been spending my nights tossing and turning, my mind scattered, thinking about money, personal health issues and anything else that wishes to creep up an disturb a good nights sleep. Even the local possums are against me again with their snarls that sound like the Predator.
The next line, “everyone says I’m getting down to low, everyone says you’ve just got to let it go”.
I’m a bit, well not stressed, I’m lacking sleep and annoyed about a few things. I have that feeling that I’m letting myself down, I don’t really know how I’m letting myself down. Recently I’ve begun drawing again and it’s frustrating me that photo shop seems to be something my brain can not absorb or understand. Then again maybe I’m to tried to comprehend what I’m trying to learn. I also really wish to get back into blogging once a week. I don’t wish for my blogs to be about not sleeping. More real interesting blogs that I can have a one-sided intelligent conversation about.
Yesterday, I read an article about late 30’s to 40-year-old women are putting off pregnancy due to being selfish. I for one was kinda happy to read that the doctor in the article said it’s ok to push the baby making time frame a further two years back from 35 to the age of 37. I’m nowhere near ready to be thinking about babies, I’ve still got a heap of other milestones (buy a house, get married etc. Like the Good Catholic school girl that I am….Im kidding about the good by the way) to fulfill before I allow my body to become a baby making factory. The idea of putting off babies until I’m 37 felt like a bit of a relief, I’ve never been to worry about my baby ticker running out, but the idea of an extra two years beyond 35 sounds….well…. is perfect acceptable? Or is that being selfish?
I’ve always pictured myself traveling the world with a long-term partner over many years, enjoying holidays, adventures, having as many experiences together as possible, push all the acceptable boundaries that you can in a relationship before you make such a massive commitment to bring a little mini me into this world, that will push this relationship again… In a good way. I like the idea of just being the two of you for an extensive period of time before having a baby.
When your baby turns into an adult and moves out, it will be back to just the two of you, and wouldn’t you have wanted more time in your younger years just being together, learning everything you can about the other person? I look at my own parents who have divorced and maybe if they didn’t get married after being together only a year, and then have me their first child a year later then maybe, they would have known that this person wasn’t the right person for them. What if your parents had spent 5 years to establish something really special, a bond that forever keeps them together, so that when you grew up your view of marriage would be a positive one and something that shouldn’t be rushed. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for just under a year, and as much as I adore and care about him, I know I have a lot more to learn about him and about our relationship.
I could also be worried about a baby one day interrupting my sleep, I can’t deal breaker out of a baby just because it screams at 2am in the morning, I sure can to the man laying next to me in bed snoring after a year together.
I need some sleep….
Mars on Life.