Currently I am reading Love Smart: Find the One You Want – Fix the One You Got by Dr Phil McGraw. I have a lot of respect for Dr Phil and his wise words. While at work everyday I switch to Channel 10 at 12pm just to be able to listen to his useful advise on any subject. I feel he gives an honest opinion to the guests on his show, and that he treats everyone with equal respect and that maybe this book could help me Find the One I Want.
Chapter One Your GPS: Great Partner Search is a Step by Step rundown of what each chapter will involve, also teaching me the CLAIM strategies:
CREATE a clear vision of what you want
LOCATE the person you want to do it with
ATTRACT him like a magnet
INSPIRE him to want what you want long-term
MARRY him and get busy being happy!
Onto Chapter Two: The Character of Him
I learn here how serious I am about dating. Do I really wish to enter this battlefield of the unknown? Yes, Bring it On! Dr Phil advises if I am going to love smart then I am going to have to date smart. To date smart I am asked to take down a character profile of “him”. I have to realise what are my deal breakers and make a list of them and stick by them.
Mars Deal breakers:- Cheaters, broken men, alcoholics, drug addicts, married men, abusive rude jerks, smokers, workaholics, fighters, gamblers, financially irresponsible men need not apply.
All the above may seem so obvious to steer clear from, yet I myself have dated nearly each and every one of the above.
Next I am told there is no Mr 100% perfect man (I guess my ex was right) Mr Perfect is a complete myth along with painless waxing. My search is now for Mr 80% that is free of my deal breakers and is 80% of what I myself want in a partner. I then have 20% of potential that I may be able to nurture and grow, with still keeping in mind that my future partner will never be Mr 100%.
Now to the fun part: Lists! I have five lists of different categories to go through and circle as many items as I desire. Thinking about which qualities will get me all hot and bothered and which ones will make my life easier, and which ones have I always been looking for in a man. Below are my selections:
1. Personality: Funny, Leader, Supportive, Intellectual, Emotional, Street-Smart, Honest, Sensual, Stable, Spontaneous, Unpredictable, responsible, Talkative, Confident and Wise.
2. Social Skills: Family Guy, Part-time socializer, Dinner Party Thrower, Nature Lover, Good Provider, Good dad and husband.
3. Relationship style: Emotionally expressive, articulates his feelings. Affectionate, Shows emotion through hugs and kisses. Romantic in all the ways Hallmark would expect. Actively involved parenting style. Willing to share responsibility for money. Highly Sexual. Open to compromise.
4. Spiritual Compatibility: It doesn’t matter what he believes as long as he is open-minded and respectful of my beliefs.
5. Physical Characteristics: Hair Colour: Brown, Blonde Short Style. Eye Colour: Blue, Brown. Age: 26-32. Height: At least 6 Foot. Body Type: athletic, muscular, average.
Dr Phil now asks me what of the above are luxury items that I can do without, these are items that can fall into the 20% of the 80-20 formula. I went back and took about 2-3 items off each list very carefully.
Now having stated out loud what kind of man I am looking for I have placed boundaries around myself. I maybe limiting myself with high standards, but not all of the above are must-haves, just ideas of what will work for me and my lifestyle and personality. Now that I know what I’m after I will start to find my search a lot easier.
Mars on Life.